To Work or Not To Work....

How do you draw the line between your work time and your personal time in a virtual workplace? Expectations are that you’ll do your job whenever you’re asked to do it.  That could mean long hours or even working on vacation.

Yep.  I said it.  I worked on my vacation.  It was unavoidable.  I had to present to leadership about a topic that I own; it was bad timing on my part honestly.  We’d planned this vacation well before I switched jobs and I guess the assumption was that I could take the time off with no worries.  Any other week and I probably could have, but not the week we chose. 

So in the middle of my glorious getaway – prized time with the family – I had to find a way to dial into a conference call and miracle of miracles, find wireless so I could get onto my laptop to present my slides.  That was a lot of fun.  By the way, on Cape Cod in the off season, free wireless is very difficult to come by.  In fact, B drove around one afternoon with his laptop just looking wireless so he could upload his homework!

It’s amazing how attached we’ve become to being connected.  I can remember a time when if someone from work needed you after you were gone for the day they had to wait until you came in the next day!  Gasp!  You didn’t have a laptop and goodness knows there were no cellphones.  There was definitely a separation of work and home – but you did spend more hours in the office.

So where’s the win?  Either you have a laptop and you can work from home when you need to, which slowly becomes more and more hours or you work only at the office and come home later in the evening.  Then I miss putting little man to bed or doing dinner with B.  That’s not good. 

I do enjoy working from home – it sure is nice to do laundry and multi task while I’m on conference calls – but I miss the camaraderie of my co-workers and the teamwork that is so important to my job when I’m not in the office.

So I guess the answer is to balance both options.  Work from home when I need to be there and go into the office the rest of the time.  They gave me a laptop and Blackberry for a reason and I guess working a day or so on vacation is the reason.   At least I got lobster on vacation. 

Happy Thursday Ya’ll!

So, Where Was I...

Hello everyone!  Sorry I dropped off of the face of the Earth!  My pregnant hands were just a swollen, ugly mess and typing was something I had to reserve for work.  By the time I finished that, I was unable to do anything online!  I don’t have too many pictures of me pregnant – I really hated how I looked.  I didn't 'show' until the very end of the pregnancy since I carried Blake so high under my ribs.  It was worth the discomfort, the bed rest and the drama though! 

Blake two days old

Here I am at 38 weeks

So much has happened since my last post!  It's been a long drama, but such an incredibly happy ending!  Our little man was born on 3/1/13 and was a healthy little peanut!  

 

He was a tiny one, but soon understood the concept of eating and boy oh boy did he take off!  He's now just shy of 20lbs and is over 6 months old.  We are so incredibly blessed.

 



Blake in his high chair - 1st time!

We are very busy these days with our new crazy schedule too.  I went back to work after a two month leave.  It was certainly hard to go back and leave little man at home, but it was easier knowing that he is at home with his wonderful Daddy.  It's been a true comfort knowing he is safely at home getting lots and lots of attention from his Super Dad!  B is still slugging away at his masters and is juggling his Daddy duties and school duties really well.

I've been back to work for a while, have switched positions in the company and am now learning a whole new job.  I never make it easy on myself do I?

We're getting ready to go on a much deserved vacation and can't wait to get away from the hectic life we now lead for just a bit.  A change of scenery will be good if nothing else.  Going on vacation with a six month old will give a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'everything but the kitchen sink' as I'm sure we'll have a packed car.  It's amazing the amount of 'stuff'' a little guy needs - makes me seem so low maintenance! :o)

I hope you've all been well since I last posted and I promise to use this blog to document our whirlwind of a life more often!

Life Goes On....

One more doctor down!  Woohoo!  We got great news today from the cardiologist - he doesn't need to see me for another 2-3 months - it feels so good to check one more thing off the list.  It's a relief for sure, but in reality it's just so nice to have one less doctor poking at me! 

Things are going well - I'm having some swelling in one of my legs.  It drives me crazy as it's so random and weird; I'll suck it up though - it's better than both legs right? :o)

Work is crazy as usual - especially since my boss has decided to move to a new position with a new company.  Change is good though and I'll just go with the flow.  I've learned in my career to Keep smiling, keep your head down and show them what you've got.  My mantra these days.  I get that everyone is struggling with changes and layoffs are still happening - but change will happen. I have just learned over the years that things will continue to change and sometimes, they are changed for the better.

The oddest thing is knowing that even if I wanted to leave, I can't right now!  It's odd to think that I really can't talk to anyone else about a new job - after all, hiring a woman who is 6 months pregnant can't possibly be appealing right now for any company.  SO for now, I'll enjoy the new challenges and keep smiling.

We're in the process of trying to just enjoy the moments we're experiencing.  We're living in the moment and having fun feeling "O'Pedro" kick like crazy and watching my body morph into a baby carrying machine.  I never let my heart get to the point of thinking about these these kinds of things - so this is really fun!  We're finally able to enjoy our baby-to-be!

We still have no boy names - nothing official anyway.  Hopefully Baby McG will be untarnished by us calling him "O'Pedro" for the first 6 months of his development!   Poor kid, it's almost guaranteed now that people will be calling him Pedro for the first few months of his life!  I guess it could be worse, but we (read B) really need to find a name and SOON! :o)    We have monograms to plan and things to think about that involve names!

On that note, our "Player to be Named Later" and I will sign off for now....

Happy Wednesday Ya'll!

Spaghetti Squash and Good News!

I'm still here...sorry I've been out of touch, but I've been buried with work and oy do my hands hurt!  I am dealing with a circulation thing that when I wake up in the morning is just miserable.  It also gets worse throughout the day from typing for work, so I really don't want to spend more time typing.

I know I'm lame - but I'm working on it! 

So here's the latest and greatest on me and Pedro!    He's 22 weeks and growing like crazy.  He likes to punch me when I sing at church and when I least expect it.  I'm ok with that though, because the more I feel him, the more I know he's ok!  He's a big boy my people...it's a bit scary!

Right now he's 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and in Pedro's case, about 1 1/2 lbs. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment.  

I have to admit I'm in withdrawal - We were having ultrasounds on a weekly basis so I never really had to wonder how he was doing.   So that leads to the latest great news! On a high note, at our last appointment with our regular doctor (2 weeks ago) our doc told us to 'get out of his office.'  He won't see us for another month! :)  Woo hoo!  We're doing well enough that we don't have to be poked and prodded all the time!  What a relief.

He did say, 'what you're doing is working, so keep doing it.'  That translates to staying in bed most of my days and working from home, but I'll do it if it means he'll continue to thrive!  Anything is worth that I guess!

So for now I'll go into work when we have meetings and stay home with my feet up the rest of the time.  I miss the day-to-day interaction with my co-workers, but have really enjoyed having the extra time with the Bubbies and B - I'm spoiled now I guess. :o)

Work is full of upheaval for me right now though....I'm super duper busy but the infrastructure of my department is pretty shaky right now.  I hope things even out quickly, but we'll have to wait and see....not my strong suit of course.

Do you know that the best part of today is????  The elections are OVER!  I'm not happy with the outcome, but I have sincere hope that things will improve with our economy.  I hope the rhetoric spouted out for the last year comes to fruition and that the United States becomes more united again!  I want Pedro to have a great future in this world -

A Mother can hope....

Well, with that I'll say Happy Wednesday Ya'll!  I hope you're doing great!

MMMmmmm Green Onions!

The Free Dictionary defines a headache as, "A headache involves pain in the head which can arise from many disorders or may be a disorder in and of itself."  To me, the definition of a headache is this:

Yes, I'm sitting at my desk wearing sunglasses.  I've taken a dose of the dreaded caffeine medicine and am just trying to hunker down until my critical call at 11AM today.  After that, I'm going home to bed!  This has got to end.

This headache will just not give up.  Haven't ever had this before, although I've always been able to take my beloved Advil in the past.  Now, I get one little Advil a day and that doesn't even take the edge off of things.  (At least I get that!)  So I'm praying to the Tylenol gods that I get some relief so I can play with L&L later today!

I'm going to be flying solo tonight - been a while since B has had a double work day, but he's working today at my favorite place and then tonight is working an NFL football game.  So it will be just us girls!  It will be so great to see L&L that I think that's all that's getting me through today so far!

Well, B was a total trouper and made chocolate chip cookies last night!  (OK, so I'm made the batter - held my nose the whole time.)  He baked the batch and cleaned up and everything.  While he was doing that, I cleaned a rotisserie chicken - I deserve a medal for that - and made chicken salad. (Again while holding my nose.) 

In the recipe that I use, I add green onion, basil and a few other fragrant ingredients.  After I had it mixed and in the fridge, B cleaned up the cutting board and counters for me.  After which I sliced strawberries to place in the freezer in readiness for my protein shake in the morning - on the same cutting board.  Well, as you can probably guess, the cutting board still had 'au de green onion' on it and this morning I"m enjoying a strawberry and green onion protein shake.  Yum.

I really should just go back to bed shouldn't I? :)

Hope you're having a great Friday Ya'll!

The Hangover

Ahh...Wednesday.  Now we're getting somewhere.  Yesterday we had another ultrasound - and - total coolness alert - we were both floored to see the baby move!  I'm not even 10 weeks but that little booger is moving around like crazy!  WOOHOO! It was so amazing and humbling to see that tiny little, peanut sized being, squirm around to try and get away from the ultrasound!  The heart rate is climbing and the baby is growing well.   I have one more ultrasound next week and then they will 'release' me to a regular OB...we're so excited!!!  Almost done with the first trimester already!  Wow....things are just flying by- well...sort off!

I've had a rebound headache for the last 4 days so while we were there, the doctor prescribed some meds to help.  Silly, silly girl that I am, I took one at about 7PM last night.  After my sweet, snoring husband woke me at 2AM, I enjoyed an episode of the Property Brothers and a movie and a half on the Hallmark channel.

Grr.....needless to say, my first words to him this morning was, "you are going to the doctor or I'm moving out."  Or something like that; I'll admit the exchange was a bit blurry.   So B and the Bubbies had a wonderful night's sleep and I'm sleep deprived and a mess as per the norm these days.

Upon looking up the ingredients to my new prescription, I found that apparently, the meds had caffeine in them.  I haven't had caffeine in four years my people.  Four years....until yesterday evening.  Today, I look and feel so hung over that B had to drive me in to work.  My eyes are dilated and my head is spinning.  Good times!  Next time, I promise I'll read the bottle.  I usually do, but the name of the meds sounded familiar...then again, back in my Starbucks Venti Bold days, a little extra caffeine wouldn't have bothered me.  Ahh...I miss those days!

It's a great time here in Jennifer-land right now folks.  I'm selling tickets if anyone else wants to enjoy the ride with me!  Here I am killing myself to be here, making my husband drive me to work like I'm freaking Miss Daisy and my boss is out today with a headache and nausea.  Pause....let's let that sink in a minute.....

HA!  Oh, the irony.  Now, I don't wish ill will on anyone, but if there was ever a day when I needed to be home, it was today.  But "pregnant, nauseous, dizzy, and hung over" me is here - present and accounted for...I'm just sayin'.   I know, I know, you don't get medals for being a martyr....but it's just such a new company, group and responsibilities, that I guess I'm being overly cautious and erring on the side of showing my face, as gnarly as the sight might be.

So for now...I'll go back to my Corn Chex and hunker down.  I hope you're all having a great week!

Happy Wednesday Ya'll!

Manic Tuesday

Just another manic Tuesday....don't you just hate driving into work (after you left on time and everything) and realizing after about 15 minutes, that you had a conference call that started 15 minutes earlier.  Nice. 

Luckily when I got on the call, they only needed me for another 10 minutes instead of the hour they had scheduled.  I hate when people do that by the way....why block my calendar for 60 minutes when you only need 15?  Then they joke and say - "look, I gave you back 45 minutes!"   My brain  immediately goes to - "You Dork.  You just wasted 15 minutes of my time at 8AM.  Don't try to be cute with me.  Just hang up the damn phone." 

I'm in a great mood aren't I?  I've been living with a headache for 3 days now.  Add the nausea in and I'm a fun girl to be around right now.  Seriously, I'd be a blast at parties - what a total joy package I have working!  

Have I mentioned that Baby McG is now the size of a grape?  Yep.  Here's some other interesting tidbits:

• At 9 weeks pregnant, baby has begun movement - While still too small for you to feel, your little one is wriggling, shifting, and dancing already! Makes you almost wish for a window to peek in whenever you want!
• Most joints are formed now - and trust that your little one is practicing bending and flexing.
• Fetus will curve its fingers around an object placed in the palm of its hand - This is amazing to see! At only 9 weeks pregnant, if you happen to have an ultrasound, you may observe your infant fascinated by everything he or she can lay their fingers on (mainly other fingers, toes, ears and nose!
• Fingerprints are already evident in the skin
• Average size at 9 weeks pregnant -- length 0.9 inch (2.3cm), weight 0.07 ounce (2gm)

How cool is all of that?  I'm actually 9 weeks and six days so we're almost at the next phase which is even more interesting.  I'm enjoying learning all of this information and it's so hard to believe all of this happens so early in the baby's development!  When we hit 10 weeks - "Pedro-nina" is officially a 'fetus.'  It's a big day for her! :o) Woohoo!  I still call her booger, but in medical terms it's fetus for now.

See?  I'm trying to focus on the fun and not the misery after all!  It's tough to weed through the really bad days right now, but I've been through worse! 

For now I'll keep reminding myself how fortunate I am to have Team McGowan and such a wonderful group of family and friends for support!   This afternoon we're off to hear the little heartbeat one more time....just a precaution after our scare last week.  Fingers and toes are crossed!

Happy Tuesday Ya'll!

Hey, I Look Good in Green

I’m alive.  Barely, but I’m here.  Sorry I’ve been offline for a while.  I tried the Zofran, it worked really well to curb the nausea and I felt like new!  Woohoo!  Unfortunately, I ended up with some bad side effects while taking it and can no longer enjoy nausea-free days.  Boo….

For the past three days, I’ve been a useless vegetable.  Seriously, I didn’t do a darn thing from Friday through Sunday.  I felt so sick I couldn’t move without spinning.

Cue Dr. Matt...

I got up this morning determined to make the best of today – mind over matter – you know how that works right?  I can do this!  Luckily I had an appointment with Dr. Matt this morning – purely coincidence.  He took one look at me and said, ”What’s bothering you the most.”  I told him to take a pick – I was in agony from the shoulders up to my neck.

He started low and worked his way up – it was at about 10 ‘cracks’ that he reached my neck.  Under my ears is a truly sensitive spot for me.    It has been for about 15 years now – I haven’t even been able to touch those spots…well, he felt up and down my neck and said, “Well, I would bet that you don’t feel well at all today.” 

Hmmm…was it the pale, greenish tonal quality to my skin?  Perhaps it was the sweat I broke into when I had to walk from my car into the building?    Maybe it was the way I was sucking down my Body by Vi shake this morning – like a lifeline….maybe he heard the prayers I was muttering under my breath.

Turns out, it had nothing to do with my gorgeous façade (read sarcasm) – it was the fact that the axis bone at the top of my neck was completely sideways and out of joint.  (Note, the axis bone is the second cervical vertebra in the spinal column. It allows the head and neck to rotate or turn and shake.)   THAT’s why my neck hurt when I turned it. Well Duh.  Apparently it was also making me extremely dizzy and nauseous. 

So, I’m still dealing with the nausea, but at a much lower level and all of the evil side effects of the Zofran have hopefully gone away.  And hey, I can touch under my ears like a normal person again - not that normal people do that often.  It's the principle of the thing my people! 

I’m here….I’m walking more evenly and able to hold my head up – so that’s half the game! I'm no longer green, but since that's a great color for me, I was ok with it for a while.   I’m learning more and more about my new job and I’m actually looking forward to it!  Still don’t know what my title is and what my exact responsibilities are, but we’ll get there in time I guess.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and that you are having a great Monday too!

Happy Monday Ya’ll!

I Am So NOT a Political Animal

Today was an interesting day.  I was riding the high of hearing the baby's heartbeat, but knew I had to meet with my 'old' boss first thing in the morning to find out what my new position was going to be in the new company.  My gut was already telling me I had a job - the wild card was that I wasn't confidant that it was going to be a job that I would actually want.

Catch 22 isn't it? 

Well, I think I've mentioned, always go with your gut.  Mine told me a month ago that something odd was going on - sadly I was right.  I won't go into details here.  Sorry - but let's suffice it to say I have a job.  It will be a challenge politically for me - one that I normally would walk away from.  I am so not a politically motivated animal.  I shoot from the hip and move on.  But I'm older, more seasoned, and I think as I put it, "I went to an all women's college - and I've learned a lot from some really tricky women.  I can do this with my eyes shut."

As my 'old' boss gave me the news I smiled and said, "if you had told me that at 9AM yesterday, my head would have exploded.  Luckily, I heard my baby's heartbeat yesterday afternoon.  So I'm ok."   Notice I didn't say happy.  I guess I should be - it's a job and no pay cut for now.  It's stability that we so need right now.  I'm really fortunate so I'll focus on that.

I'm in very good company - all of IT are wallowing in indecision right now.  We know who we will report to, but we don't know our new titles or our job responsibilities.  It's an odd sort of limbo.  Not a fun place to be, but I think all of the ups and downs of my career have prepared me for this.  I'm in.   (Read that I'm thinking in my best Scottish accent - this is both Good (GUD) and Bad (Bahd).)

I think overnight, my priorities have finally shifted - they've turned the final corner and I think I'm at peace. I am going to be a Mom! That's so much more important that what department I'm in at work - really.  It will be different for me, but change is good right?

On a high note, we got to see my parents tonight.  It's almost been a month since they left on vacation.  Even though I was pretty exhausted, it was great to get a hug from my Mom and show them the pictures of "Pedro."  We were issued a warning though that 'no grandchild of mine will be named Pedro" by my Dad...I assured him we wouldn't do that - as we felt it would be a girl - so "Pedro-Nina" it is! :o)

Just kidding....

I'm off for now  - I have Zofran to take and bathroom trips to make...

Happy Thursday Ya'll!

Misery Thy Name is Jennifer

Well, I haven’t dropped off the planet, nor am I on vacation in Tahiti – I was simply laid up all weekend with a wicked case of nausea – aka Pedro-itis.  It was evil my people, I cannot lie.  In fact, I really wasn’t able to eat a real meal until Sunday night. 

Fast forward to a lovely dinner with friends last night at the Melting Pot – love me some fondue!  Since cheese has been one of my recent favorite food groups, I thought it would be a great option.  It was wonderful!  I ate and ate and ate. 

Then I got home and hated my life and was sick as a flipping dog.  Lesson learned.  I won’t eat rich foods, I won’t over-indulge and I won’t go back to the Melting Pot until Pedro is here – I’m not convinced that I didn’t get some gluten in one of the dishes – that could have been the culprit.  Either way, food definitely holds little to no appeal right now.

So, needless to say, it was a pretty big waste of a weekend, but at least it happened over the weekend and not during the work week.  Things are calm for now – I’m hoping I’m back on top of the nausea and that Pedro will be more cooperative this week!

We’re all still waiting to find out about jobs here at work and I have our first “official” ultrasound tomorrow, so tomorrow will be a big day in the McG household.  I feel so greedy praying for two big positives, but I am.  I really need a job and I really want to see Pedro’s heartbeat!!!!  I'm claiming it Ya'll!

God knows what is coming, so I’m just keeping the faith and hoping He has good things in store for us.  It’s certainly been an interesting ride so far!  I promise my next blog will be more fun and interesting, but right now my creative has left the building.

I hope you’re all enjoying the Olympics as much as I am!

Happy Monday Ya’ll!

What a Butt-Clenching Sort of Day

Well Wednesday would not be a day I'd like to repeat.  It was a pretty non-descript day over all until this afternoon.  But boy, when 3:30PM hit, all bets were off.  Work has just exploded.  Let's just leave it at that for now - and suffice it to say I'm so disappointed in people in general that I need to do something to remind myself that, people are good and caring and that the world is a good place to be.

Right now, I feel old, jaded and disjointed.  I feel disrespected and naive.  I wish I could share with you what happened, but I can't.  I can say it wasn't to me personally, it was to our whole company.  We're all at a loss for words I think.

So here I am, still waiting to find out if I have a job and really not sure if I want it.  I mean, I need it, but I don't know who to trust anymore and it scares me that my hopes are hinged on that.   I hope that this is just a rough patch and that things will look up.  I hope that the people left in our legacy company will lead well and be people we can trust.  I have hope.

It's tough enough to go into work when you're in limbo, but add in knowing this bad news and being worried about your future and bam - makes for a great rest of the week doesn't it? :)

I love the people I work with as I mentioned previously and it breaks my heart to see any of them hurt...so that made today even more difficult.  I think the next few weeks will be harder than anything I've ever been through.

I time everything well don't I?  We had a reception tonight for the final night of our company - and it was in a location that wasn't air conditioned.  I learned that I need air conditioning.   I left feeling unwell and got home and collapsed.  I swelled up like a little balloon and felt like I'd been through a marathon.

Luckily I had nothing to do, so I crashed for a bit and have rallied for now....lesson learned.  Pedro hates the heat.  I have been able to eat much more than before thankfully - so my energy is better.

So here I am, pregnant - still haven't heard the heartbeat and still not sure if I have a job....woohoo!  I sure know how to time things don't I?  I never did do things like everyone else, but I think all of this is testing things - it's a bit much isn't it?  

For now, I have no option other than to wait.  I'm practicing my 'Darth Vader' breathing and trying to calm my mind and focus only on today.  Easier said than done - but I can do this - I'll be in good company as all of my co-workers are in limbo in some shape or form as well.

Pray for all of us - it's a difficult thing to go through at any time, but add in the current state of our economy and job market and it's downright butt clenching scary.

SO the goal for tomorrow is to keep my butt cheeks relaxed and focus on breathing - and eating and drinking.  I have control over these things - life is good.  Oh and Pedro is now the size of a blueberry!   Yay!

Happy Thursday Ya'll.

Moving Right Along

Well, I worked for a half day yesterday.  It wasn't because I was being careful either - we were packing up our offices.  It really was a sad day.  The new company purchasing the company I've worked for over the last 5 years has decided to move IT out of their current office space along with 3 other departments. 

They are moving us to a building across the parking lot to a floor all by ourselves.  SO, all of the new people who are moving down to Charlotte will be sitting in our old seats - while we sit in the 'extra space.'

It won't be forever, but we aren't quite sure how long we will be there - could be about 6-9 months.  Or maybe a year.  They are re-doing the 2nd and 3rd floor of the normal building to fit the new business.  We've been purchased by a huge corporation and then merged with another of their divisions to create a new business.  The business will be headquartered here in Charlotte - which is good. 

But the big detail that's hanging over all of our heads is the fact that we don't know if we have jobs in the new organization.  AND we won't know until after the sale happens.  Did I mention the sale date has been moved back, again? :o)  No pressure there.  We think it might be the end of next week - so we're in limbo for a week or so.  Unfortunately, for right now, if you don't have work activities around Day One - you really don't have tons to do.

We're not sure how the new regime wants things done so we don't want to move forward with projects etc...so we'll hang for now and hope that we get answers as to who our new bosses are soon!

No stress there right folks?  Yesterday could have been really hard, instead a smart friend ordered pizza for our department and got us permission to wear jeans to work - which never happens - so it was a more casual relaxed atmosphere that helped with the sad parts.

We're a strong team and overall, I'm sure we'll be fine....I hope all of my team gets jobs and is happy with their new assignments - they are all great people who have come to be be friends and people I care about.  That makes this kind of thing so much harder.

We've become a family of sorts and you certainly want to see your family taken care of!   So I guess I'll say goodbye to my great office with a great view shared with a great lady - and move forward to my rickety cubicle with no walls and lots of noise....I'll always have my iTouch! :o)

Outside of work, "me and Baby McG" are doing well - I'm taking it one day at a time and plan on doing nothing this weekend.  Seriously, I'm tired and I'm doing nothing but watch movies and pee - a lot.

I hope you all have a great weekend and get a chance to relax and recharge!

Happy Saturday Ya'll!

And the Beat Goes On

Ok, so let's recap the last few of my posts - we went through fertility treatments, we waited and waited and waited, we found out we were pregnant (yay!), and I claimed it.  Obviously I'm a very silly girl because all I focused on was the actual 'getting pregnant' part of the whole picture.  So now that I'm pregnant, I'm back in the vicious loop of waiting, claiming, waiting and claiming. 

Today was a rough day for me. I'm totally ramped up about work - things are happening that one day I'll share; but right now it's a bit stressful to think about.  I'm not really happy at work right now but I need to have a job without B working.  SO I need to suck it up and put it away until I have no choice but to deal with it.  That might be two weeks from now actually.  At least I hope it is.

I woke up this morning and realized I didn't feel pregnant.  OH MY GOD.  I was ready to run screaming through the house - instead I asked for a hug.  It helped.  I thought I had that under control, but obviously I didn't. 

But I still had to go to work - after a quick visit to Dr. Matt - who still cracks me up by the way - so I went to work, practicing my yoga breathing - go Team McGowan! - it helped somewhat, but then the work stuff started and boy was I a wreck.  I got so upset today that I couldn't stay calm, my heart was just racing and then I noticed that I was feeling  really 'different.' Scary different.

I just wanted to turn tail and go home and crawl in bed and pray that everything would be ok.   I stuck it out though, talked with my boss and settled a few things and after a few hours of being calm, began to feel pregnant again.  I know I sound crazy ya'll - but I'm really scared right now.  I know I'm supposed to be  - but boy, after miscarrying 3 years ago, I'm second guessing every little twinge - praying that things are still copacetic.

So for now, I'm going to continue breathing deeply and hope that tomorrow's blood work is great - work can just continue to stay in the background for a while I think.  Baby McGowan's still so much more important - I'll just keep focusing on positive thoughts....

Fingers are crossed until tomorrow.....for now we're enjoying some cuddle time with our Bubbies, I'm curled up with my favorite afghan and Sabrina's on television - ok it's the remake of Sabrina, but any sappy chick flick in a pinch right?  And the beat goes on....(Sonny and Cher's version mind you.)  One day down many more to go!

Happy Thursday Ya'll!

Monday or Bust!

Sunday nights.  I love them and hate them at the same time.  Tonight's was great though; we spent a few hours over at my parent's house for a Father's Day dinner and just chilled.  It was a nice culmination to a pretty great weekend!  I almost want an extra day though because mentally, I'm just not ready for tomorrow.

The further down the acquisition road we head, the harder it becomes to psych myself up to go to work after the weekend.  I'm ready for bed, my lunch is made, coffee is ready to be brewed, clothes are laid out and the bed is pulled down.  I've basically prepared myself to crash early tonight in the hopes of putting off tomorrow as much as possible.

The definition of work needs to be updated I think.  It's no longer 'work,' it's more like drudgery now.  I think saying I'm going to drudge in the morning would be pretty much a mental nightmare though.  One of my favorite quotes is, "Work is either fun or drudgery.  It depends on your attitude.  I like fun" - Colleen C. Barrett.  This is something I aspire to - focusing on fun.

I think if we knew something, anything specific, it would make things easier to handle.  We don't even know the specific date of the sale yet.  We don't know if ANYONE in IT actually has a job!  We do know that the office where we are right now is where things will  be headquartered, but I'm not sure if I will still have a seat there.

So, add that stressful fun to a normal Sunday night feel and I really, truly do not want Monday morning to get here!  I have a few other stressful things going on in my life, so I guess the work thing is a good distractor, but if it's all the same to you guys, I'd prefer to just skip Sunday nights going forward and just fast forward to Monday night.

Who do we have to call to skip Mondays in general?  I'd lead the charge if someone could tell me who to get in touch with.  Hey, maybe I'll just schedule my vacation for every Monday I have left!  Maybe if we had 'bring your dog to work day' on Mondays it'd be more fun to go in and more relaxing to work.  I'm sure Seamus and Paxton would be up for that...I'm grasping at straws here I know.

I guess I'll have to be a grown-up, remember my Ghandi quote of guarding my thoughts, paste a smile on to my face and hope tomorrow will be a great day!  Hmm...maybe I'll  go see if I can get a Slurpee...

Happy Monday Ya'll!

Passionless in Charlotte

Hmm...It's time for Monday again.  It was a really crazy 'up and down' weekend; so mentally, I'm not sure I'm ready for Monday.  Not that I have a choice, so I'll suck it up and face it head on.  Right now, I have baked oatmeal cooling in the kitchen for breakfast  - most important meal of the day right?  My lunch is made, my coffee is ready to be made in the morning and I think all of the dangling participles of the weekend have been tied down.

So all that's left is to get my brain back in the game.  I think I told you my brain had off on Saturday - well today it was in and out.  Honestly I'm hoping that it shows up full time for Monday.  Could be ugly without it.  I just need to get my heart involved.  Isn't it the usually case that when you're heart is in the game, the head follows?

I think that's what has been troubling me lately.  My heart isn't in the game because of the buy-out.  I hate that.  At one time, I loved everything about my job - the craziness, the stress and the deadlines.  Now, they just annoy the crap out of me.  They are someone else's deadlines now - I think that's the real issue.

How do I make them mine again?  I feel like I need to have an intervention with my counterparts at the other company and get them into the game.  I need to get the passion back and get my heart into things.  I need to ignore the stress around me, no matter how palpable and just get it done.

I've been through many downsizings in my time.  I've done the layoff thing, job changes and wishful career dreaming - but selling my passion to another company that was taking over my job and getting rid of all of my hard work, is new to me.  

SO that my friends is the goal for Monday.  Bring back the passion and get my heart back into the game.  What a simple sentence - yet so important.  I'm open to any and all ideas of how to do this.  Seriously.    I'm in deep water on this - so if anyone has a pair of swimmies I can borrow let me know!  Happy Monday Ya'll!