Sometimes You Want to Go....

Reconnecting with old friends - such a fun thing to do isn't it?  I love going down memory lane and catching up with folks that I've lost touch with over the years.  My life has taken me down a pretty screwy path, so it was hard to stay in touch with people that mattered to me over the years.

How lucky we are to have things like Facebook to help us reconnect!  I often reflect on how different my life would be without all of the wonderful people I've met in my life.  Some were around for very short spurts, and some I'll hold in my heart forever, eternally grateful for their role in my life.

Some I crossed paths with due to dumb luck and some I think Fate put in my way on purpose.  Among them, I've had some really great roommates - what a blessing they all were.  Some just to get me out of my country bumpkin shell - thanks GEEK!  And others, to keep me grounded...thanks ROOMMATE!  Others to keep me sane  - Thanks Lou....and the list goes on...

I've learned what it is to have some seriously great friends.  At a very young age, I learned that just because you have fun hanging out with someone, it doesn't make them a friend; it makes them a fun acquaintance.  That was a really hard realization - it hit me when I was sick with a jaw problem back in my 20s.  I 'woke up' after surgery and realized that the people I thought were my friends were simply 'playmates' and they didn't want to play anymore.

Don't get me wrong - they were really nice people.  I was just no fun to be around.  Since we hadn't created the bonds that makes up a true friendship, when I wasn't up to go play at Moe's & Joe's, I dropped off the call list.  So I moved on.  I learned to make better, lifelong friends.  It was a hard lesson - but one that has served me well.  It moved me in a different, more meaningful direction.  One that I needed to take I think.  I needed to "go somewhere else where everybody knew my name!"  (And not just for hanging out in a bar either!)

Over the 10 years of our marriage, I've been sick quite a bit.  B and I haven't been able to make that many friends as a 'couple' because of that (well that and because we moved across country.)  I feel like I've short-changed him on that....and I'm hoping we can work on fixing that moving forward.  Not that I'm looking to replace the wonderful friends we do have - unfortunately, a lot of them live somewhere else!  If I had a dollar for every time I said the line, "I wish we lived closer" to friends, I'd be able to retire by now!

SO for now, I'm going to enjoy reconnecting and laughing over silly memories and I'm going to look forward to creating new memories.  I know that the next phase of our lives will be pretty complicated.  Not only am I going to be a new first time mommy, I'm going to be a lot older than most of the other mommies.  That's going to be a shift.  Most of my friends are sending their kids off to high school or college - mine isn't even here yet!  I always did do things at my own pace - married at 35, baby at 45...

Change is good though and I'm looking forward to the new challenges.  I'm looking forward to making new friends and keeping in touch with the great friends I've made over the years.   No matter where we travel in the US, I think we have someone we can visit with when we get there! 

Now how fun is that?!

Happy Tuesday Ya'll.

MMMmmmm Green Onions!

The Free Dictionary defines a headache as, "A headache involves pain in the head which can arise from many disorders or may be a disorder in and of itself."  To me, the definition of a headache is this:

Yes, I'm sitting at my desk wearing sunglasses.  I've taken a dose of the dreaded caffeine medicine and am just trying to hunker down until my critical call at 11AM today.  After that, I'm going home to bed!  This has got to end.

This headache will just not give up.  Haven't ever had this before, although I've always been able to take my beloved Advil in the past.  Now, I get one little Advil a day and that doesn't even take the edge off of things.  (At least I get that!)  So I'm praying to the Tylenol gods that I get some relief so I can play with L&L later today!

I'm going to be flying solo tonight - been a while since B has had a double work day, but he's working today at my favorite place and then tonight is working an NFL football game.  So it will be just us girls!  It will be so great to see L&L that I think that's all that's getting me through today so far!

Well, B was a total trouper and made chocolate chip cookies last night!  (OK, so I'm made the batter - held my nose the whole time.)  He baked the batch and cleaned up and everything.  While he was doing that, I cleaned a rotisserie chicken - I deserve a medal for that - and made chicken salad. (Again while holding my nose.) 

In the recipe that I use, I add green onion, basil and a few other fragrant ingredients.  After I had it mixed and in the fridge, B cleaned up the cutting board and counters for me.  After which I sliced strawberries to place in the freezer in readiness for my protein shake in the morning - on the same cutting board.  Well, as you can probably guess, the cutting board still had 'au de green onion' on it and this morning I"m enjoying a strawberry and green onion protein shake.  Yum.

I really should just go back to bed shouldn't I? :)

Hope you're having a great Friday Ya'll!

Moving Right Along

Well, I worked for a half day yesterday.  It wasn't because I was being careful either - we were packing up our offices.  It really was a sad day.  The new company purchasing the company I've worked for over the last 5 years has decided to move IT out of their current office space along with 3 other departments. 

They are moving us to a building across the parking lot to a floor all by ourselves.  SO, all of the new people who are moving down to Charlotte will be sitting in our old seats - while we sit in the 'extra space.'

It won't be forever, but we aren't quite sure how long we will be there - could be about 6-9 months.  Or maybe a year.  They are re-doing the 2nd and 3rd floor of the normal building to fit the new business.  We've been purchased by a huge corporation and then merged with another of their divisions to create a new business.  The business will be headquartered here in Charlotte - which is good. 

But the big detail that's hanging over all of our heads is the fact that we don't know if we have jobs in the new organization.  AND we won't know until after the sale happens.  Did I mention the sale date has been moved back, again? :o)  No pressure there.  We think it might be the end of next week - so we're in limbo for a week or so.  Unfortunately, for right now, if you don't have work activities around Day One - you really don't have tons to do.

We're not sure how the new regime wants things done so we don't want to move forward with projects etc...so we'll hang for now and hope that we get answers as to who our new bosses are soon!

No stress there right folks?  Yesterday could have been really hard, instead a smart friend ordered pizza for our department and got us permission to wear jeans to work - which never happens - so it was a more casual relaxed atmosphere that helped with the sad parts.

We're a strong team and overall, I'm sure we'll be fine....I hope all of my team gets jobs and is happy with their new assignments - they are all great people who have come to be be friends and people I care about.  That makes this kind of thing so much harder.

We've become a family of sorts and you certainly want to see your family taken care of!   So I guess I'll say goodbye to my great office with a great view shared with a great lady - and move forward to my rickety cubicle with no walls and lots of noise....I'll always have my iTouch! :o)

Outside of work, "me and Baby McG" are doing well - I'm taking it one day at a time and plan on doing nothing this weekend.  Seriously, I'm tired and I'm doing nothing but watch movies and pee - a lot.

I hope you all have a great weekend and get a chance to relax and recharge!

Happy Saturday Ya'll!

Peace Reigns....

Hey all - first of all, thank you so much for your kinds words, support and prayers.  We're hanging in here...my bleeding has stopped for now but I'm still having some cramping.  I spent the day relaxing (and praying) and trying to stay calm and peaceful. 

I didn't even get out of bed until it was time to get ready and go to acupuncture this evening.  Acupuncture always helps  - NO lie.  No matter how bad my day is, it always calms me and helps reset things.  Hope, the magician acupuncturist and future mommy herself, was able to calm more of my fears and talk me through a few things as well.  It helps when your acupuncturist specializes in fertility treatments and knows her way around the aches, pains and issues that come with a pregnancy.  Some days she more of a therapist than an acupuncturist, but I love her either way!  Go Team McGowan!

I'm holding my own for now and baby McG is hanging in so far as well.  On a lighter note, I feel like crap, so I guess that's good for now huh? :) I made B take me out for Mexican - because apparently our baby is going to be nicknamed Pedro, and that's the only food I want right now.  It tasted good and I scarfed it down like I hadn't eaten in a month.  Unfortunately about 10 minutes after I was done, the nausea moved back in.

I get it now though.  This will be the hardest three months of my life.  I had a great talk with a dear friend last night and she 'talked turkey' to me about this baby thing.  I learned a lot and I think I've got my big girl panties ready for the ride.  I can do this...I've been through hard things before, lots of them.  I just think I was so focused on the actual 'getting pregnant' thing, that the idea of 'what comes next' didn't really get enough focus.

SO as of today, I've had three great blood tests results and one scary episode.  My next ultrasound is on the 31st so I'll just suck it up and pray I make it to see a heartbeat.    God is good - I trust that this is meant to be.

I have peace in my heart no matter what and truly think I need to get my focus back on the positives and off of the scary parts.  So today I'm thankful for the the following:

1.  No bleeding - at all today.
2.  Great phone calls from my family (and pretty flowers too!  Thanks T&B!)
3.  I had great cuddle time with my Bubbies.
4.  Great call from my college roommate - she always cheers me up!
5.  Acupuncture and support from Team McGowan always picks me up too!

Lastly, I thank you for your notes and prayers....I truly believe this baby wouldn't be here if not for the power of prayer.   I hope each of you has had a great week and is looking forward to a relaxing and fun weekend.

Much Love and Happy Friday Ya'll!

The Cycle of Life

I had an amazing conversation with a dear friend this evening.  She's stronger than anyone I've ever met - truly.  While we were talking, the topic of who your 'real friends' are came up.  I've learned in my life that in different stages, you'll meet new people, strike up new friendships; friends that you thought would be a part of your life forever, will no longer keep in touch.

It's a hard thing to accept when you 'lose' a friend isn't it?  I had a dear friend - a guy - who was married a few years ago.  I was SO excited that he'd found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with! I couldn't wait to meet her.  You know what comes next.  She didn't understand how he could be friends with a female.  So while he gained a wife, I lost a friend.  Sad for me (and him I think), but when you find the person you're meant to be with - sometimes your life changes. 

I was one of those 'changes'.  At the time it happened, I was heartbroken and just wanted to meet his then fiancee to get her to understand I was not, nor had I ever been, a 'threat' to their relationship.  I'd never even met her.  They just had a baby last year and I was so thrilled for them - I still haven't met her or their baby.  I'm still sad, but it hurts less as time goes on.  The cycle of life right?

I think the time it hurts the worst to realize you've lost a friend is in times of need.  When you are really in a bad spot and those 'go to' folks that you think will be there for you, aren't there.  Again, part of life I know; it still doesn't make it hurt any less. 

When life throws you lemons, you're told to make lemonade.  How do you do that when your world becomes thrown off its axis and your support system becomes shaky?  I think God provides through other people at that point.  The people you least expect to 'be there' for you in times of need, step up to the plate in such an amazing way.  They are there for you - an amazing and unexpected gift.  You get support from people you haven't heard from or seen in years and you again have a renewed sense of the good in people.

You can make lemonade again, but maybe not as much as you'd planned.  As time goes on, you'll make new friends and those that you thought would be there might come back into your life again - they could just be your 'sunny day friends.'   I've mentioned sunny and rainy day friends before - as much as I would like only 'all the time' friends, I think sunny and rainy day friends are there for a reason. 

The friend I spoke with last night is going through some hard things right now and I so wish I lived closer so I could be there for her in person.  I can still be there for her over the phone and in spirit, but sometimes I'm sad I can't be there all the time.  I pray that she has friends and support when she needs it and that people are there for her without her asking.  For now, I'll appreciate the fact that she's still in my life and I know that I'll be there for her 'all the time' through thick and thin.

I've been blessed with friends who've been there for me on my rocky road - in fact I'm sometimes amazed that they are still around - "Debbie Downer" that I was for so long and all.  But that's what good friends do.  They listen and are there even when you're 'no fun' and then have fun and play with you when you're back in a good place. 

Life is crazy isn't it?  Everyone has their path and with that comes ups and downs.  Every once in a while, take a look around and check in with friends you haven't heard from in a while - they might need a friend.  I hope that you have good "all the time" friends who are there for you in good times and bad and I hope you're a good friend who'd do the same. 

Happy Saturday Ya'll!



I Liked Today So Much, I'd Like to Do it Again!

Reasons Why I'm Thankful Today:

1.  I'm married to a sweet man who took me to go see Ted today -a totally ridiculous movie but hysterical!
2.  I got all the popcorn I wanted - he even let me go first!
3.  I'm almost done with the longest wait of my life!
4.  I have a great friend who just sent me a really fun and sweet card - just because.
5.  I have two sweet Bubbies who are ALWAYS happy to see me - even after we left them crated for 8 hours - shame on us!
6.  I had a great talk with my husband who agrees that we are really lucky and blessed people.
7.  I had over 100 hits on my blog the other day - WOW!  I hope my story helps someone else who feels alone in their quest with infertility.
8.  Our dog Paxton has really done well on his Prozac - he's so much sweeter and his outbursts are less frequent and much less aggressive.
9.  I got through today with a smile on my face. 
10.  I just heard from a high school friend - got a really nice, thoughtful note which meant a lot!  I love random emails!
11.  My Godmother just joined Facebook!  Now I can chat with her all the time!  Hey Aunt Lois!
12.  I had popcorn and chocolate for lunch - sweet.
13.  A close friend sent me a really sweet bible verse - even though she's having her own trials.  What a great friend!
14.  We had a great visit with B's hairdresser - she shared her own infertility story with us and offered her prayers and support.  She's a really sweet person - who no matter what trials she's dealing with continues to give to others with her warmth and enthusiasm.
15.  I just got a face-full of Paxton kisses.  (Twice!)
16.  I watched Tangled for the first time this morning while lazing around in bed - LOVED it!   But then I love all Disney movies....
17.  We had a great dinner at one of our favorite burger joints - and they have a Gluten Free Menu!
18.  It's Sunday and I have NOTHING to do.   Awesome.
19.  B went to the doctor on Friday and is finally getting over his sinus infection.  
20.  I am most thankful for all of the support I've received from all of you who read this blog - your notes, comments, prayers and feedback mean more to me than you can imagine!   Thanks everyone!  My 'Pie Plate' is full today!

Not too shabby for a Saturday is it? :o) 

Happy Sunday Ya'll!

I'm a Lucky Camper

Hey all - today was a big day for me here in Blog-land.  I won't go into details right now...but as things unfold, I'll fill you in.  Needless to say, I've started my super-duper vacation and so far haven't left my bedroom in 8 hours!  Whoopppeee! 

Today I wanted to talk about special people and how those special people in your life can get you through the tough times.  As you know, I've been a whiny, cranky, stressed out and oh, I don't know...pain in the buttocks kind of person for the last few weeks.   For some reason though, I've been surrounded by really special people who have sent me sweet texts, dropped me emails and in general have lent me support at a time when I really needed it.

It's amazing how when you feel at your lowest, you turn around and there are people there for you.  When you least expect it, you get a boost from out of the blue and you feel better.  So how lucky am I?   I've learned in life to deal with your 'stuff' and keep on those big girl panties....but it's always nice to know you have amazing people at your back. 

So today's blog goes like this....remember the people in your life that matter the most are the ones who are there for you when you least expect it.  There are sunny day friends and rainy day friends - and then there are ALL the time friends....

Thanks to all of my wonderful 'all the time' friends and family - without whose support I would have gone stir crazy.  I hope when you need someone to support you and hold you up, or celebrate with you, that I can return the favor.  I am blessed...a lucky camper in this crazy world we live in.

Happy Thursday Ya'll!