I Am So NOT a Political Animal

Today was an interesting day.  I was riding the high of hearing the baby's heartbeat, but knew I had to meet with my 'old' boss first thing in the morning to find out what my new position was going to be in the new company.  My gut was already telling me I had a job - the wild card was that I wasn't confidant that it was going to be a job that I would actually want.

Catch 22 isn't it? 

Well, I think I've mentioned, always go with your gut.  Mine told me a month ago that something odd was going on - sadly I was right.  I won't go into details here.  Sorry - but let's suffice it to say I have a job.  It will be a challenge politically for me - one that I normally would walk away from.  I am so not a politically motivated animal.  I shoot from the hip and move on.  But I'm older, more seasoned, and I think as I put it, "I went to an all women's college - and I've learned a lot from some really tricky women.  I can do this with my eyes shut."

As my 'old' boss gave me the news I smiled and said, "if you had told me that at 9AM yesterday, my head would have exploded.  Luckily, I heard my baby's heartbeat yesterday afternoon.  So I'm ok."   Notice I didn't say happy.  I guess I should be - it's a job and no pay cut for now.  It's stability that we so need right now.  I'm really fortunate so I'll focus on that.

I'm in very good company - all of IT are wallowing in indecision right now.  We know who we will report to, but we don't know our new titles or our job responsibilities.  It's an odd sort of limbo.  Not a fun place to be, but I think all of the ups and downs of my career have prepared me for this.  I'm in.   (Read that I'm thinking in my best Scottish accent - this is both Good (GUD) and Bad (Bahd).)

I think overnight, my priorities have finally shifted - they've turned the final corner and I think I'm at peace. I am going to be a Mom! That's so much more important that what department I'm in at work - really.  It will be different for me, but change is good right?

On a high note, we got to see my parents tonight.  It's almost been a month since they left on vacation.  Even though I was pretty exhausted, it was great to get a hug from my Mom and show them the pictures of "Pedro."  We were issued a warning though that 'no grandchild of mine will be named Pedro" by my Dad...I assured him we wouldn't do that - as we felt it would be a girl - so "Pedro-Nina" it is! :o)

Just kidding....

I'm off for now  - I have Zofran to take and bathroom trips to make...

Happy Thursday Ya'll!

Today's the Day!

Well, I've been hinting at it for a while now, but today's the day.  Today I find out if our last shot at IVF is a positive or negative result.  I could either be pregnant, potentially with twins, or I could be hormonally charged and left with nothing.

Needless to say, it will be a really hard day.  I won't get instant results after the blood test.  And, no.   I haven't peed on a stick and won't.  I'll have to suck it up and wait for the phone call that will change my life - either for the 'good or the bad.'  (Insert Scottish accent there). 

I've so appreciated the amazing support I've received from all of the wonderful people in my life.  It's been a gift.  Truly.  I started this blog to help 'get out' some of the stuff going on in my head and it's helped a great deal...but you never know how you'll react until that moment happens.

Don't get me wrong, I've been through this day seven other times.  Yes, I said seven.  Not all were IVFs, but all were prayed on and hoped for and all didn't work.  This is the last time I think I'll put my body and heart through this ordeal, so obviously it will be the most traumatic.

I'm prepared to put on my big girl panties this morning, take my coffee to the clinic and have my blood drawn.  Then I'll head to work for my 5 meetings that stretch out throughout the day.  I'd love to know early in the day because sometimes the suspense is more horrible than the call....but honestly, if it's a negative and the rabbit doesn't die (not literally of course) then I'd almost rather not know until late in the day. 

You can tell I've over thought this can't you?  I'm actually in a really good place mentally and spiritually for this.  I'm ready to accept whatever decision God has made and am at peace with what happens.  I know that I've done everything I could have done with an amazing husband at my side, supporting me every step of the way.

SO, I'll let you all know...thank you for your prayers and your support - I couldn't have gotten through the last few weeks without it.  And no matter what happens, I'll have a smile on my face because I know God has a great plan for us....we'll just have to figure out what it is....

I ready for this next phase in our lives....bring it on!!

Happy Monday Ya'll!

I'm Going Nuts

This week has been a very introspective time for me...in case you hadn't noticed.  For a while now, I couldn't wait to have some time off to just chill and relax for a change.  Now that I've been off for a week - I realize that the old adage - be careful what you wish for,  it might come true, really does still apply.    I'm going nuts.

Seriously.  I've always secretly envied women who could be stay-at-home moms - what a gift.  But honestly, I haven't had any people contact besides my parents (yesterday), in about 3 days.  I'm about ready to pull my hair out!  I don't want to manufacture things to do - that would defeat the purpose of relaxing right?  But I do miss my people contact.

I finally finished my book.  It was good, but obviously my attention isn't what it should be right now.  Remind me to tell you why some time...just not today.   Today, I'm all about no heavy or introspective thinking.  I'm watching brainless movies and shows like Cake Boss and am just watching the clock move. 

I just need to get through this week and then all will change - either for the good or the bad.  (Mentally I say good and bad in a Scottish accent - that's another story that really requires sound to be effective, so I'll just leave it at that.) 

For now, I will be Unproductive Jennifer - one of the many facets of my personality that I didn't know existed until this week.  I don't really like her much.  She's so lazy and actually slept until noon today.  I know!  Well, I'll give her a bit of break - she did wake up at 6AM and then 7 AM and then 8 AM...she did eat breakfast and talk with her husband - it wasn't her fault that she fell back asleep for 2 hours.  

Unproductive Jennifer is such a slouch that she actually made her husband go out and pick up their dinner - that he called in.  Nope, she didn't even place the order.  What a lazy bum huh?

I'm hoping that UJ (Unproductive Jennifer) goes on hiatus tomorrow.  I mean it's even a big deal to get her to blow dry her hair!  That's not much fun to hang out with day in and day out.  Organized Jennifer is ready to take over tomorrow thank goodness.  I hope there isn't a coup in the early morning time frame - UJ is usually so cranky in the morning and OJ is such a pain --jumping up and getting on the recumbent bike first thing in the morning.  This isn't going to be pretty folks. 

So, if you hear some loud rumblings tomorrow morning - please cover your ears - the girls can be ugly when they don't get their way.  My money is on OJ - she's been around longer and has a few more tricks up her sleeve.  Wish me luck.  If OJ doesn't win, going to work on Thursday could be really tricky!

All kidding aside ya'll, let's remember what today is all about for all Americans - freedom.

On this day in 1776, the Declaration of Independence was approved by the Continental Congress, setting the 13 colonies on the road to freedom as a sovereign nation.

So while you're enjoying your cookouts, your days off from work and your fireworks, remember the people who helped put us there.  The history that makes us who we are....

Happy Fourth of July Ya'll!!