My Heart Is Full!

This whole "Mommy" thing has been a revelation.  I had literally no expectations going in, except for knowing that I would love little man to pieces.  I had no idea that every day it would get harder and harder to leave him to go to work.  It does not seem to matter that I know he is safe and happy and loved beyond recognition.  It is just hard.

Being a Mom is hard.  I get that now in a way that I never could have before Blake.  Your heart literally splits when you have a child.  He/she takes a piece with them when they are born and you are forever tied together in the strongest way possible.

Their pain is your pain.  Their happiness is your happiness.  The best things are the little things – watching him figure out he has fingers or that you have fingers too – brings tears to the eyes.   Each success is a conquest and each delay is heartbreaking.  Life seems to slow down yet go so fast your head spins.  Life becomes a study in contrasts.

I recently heard about friends of a friend who just lost their triplet baby girls.  Twenty four weeks of praying and watching them grow and then they are born and gone so fast that it is a blur.  My heart is just broken for them.  God had other plans for those sweet little babies, but how does a Mother recover from that loss?  The minute you know you’re carrying a miracle, you bond.  Your heart is theirs and no longer your own.

This is why I knew I had to become a mom – my heart was too full and too big and I needed to share it.  Now that I have – life is complete.  I can deal with the ups and downs and blurs – every time I see his sweet face, all of the pain, sadness and the rocky path we had to take just goes away.  My slate is wiped clean and I am fulfilled. 

Blake, Mommy & Seamus

I still think I am the luckiest mom on the planet – I guess that’s how the whole silly bumper sticker thing started isn’t it?  You want to tell the world about your amazing gift; I get that now.  I promise though, that if I ever put one of those silly bumper stickers on my car, that car will not nor will it ever be a minivan! :o)  Have a great Friday ya’ll!

You Can Never Go Home Again

I spent about half of my adult life living away from 'home.'  Home was Maryland and I could NOT wait to get out of there and head out into the world after I graduated from college.  It never felt like my forever home you know?   I'm often jealous of people who have stayed and made a life for themselves where they were born and raised. 
I never felt like I was supposed to stay where I grew up - I always felt like I was supposed to be somewhere else.  Of course now there are many things I miss about where I grew up and through Facebook I can keep in touch with how things are there.  I've wondered what my life would be like if I had stayed in the Mason Dixon area - but I guess I'll never know! 

My life has taken me to towns all over the US and I've got favorite places and people in each of those towns.  I've really liked all of the places I've lived, but in some cases, not until after I'm gone! :o)  When I lived in Cleveland, I could NOT wait to get the heck out of there.  The only thing I liked about it at the time was Malley's Chocolates and Lake Erie in the summer and going to Huntington Beach to the Honey Hut for Orange Blossom ice cream.  I hated the snow with a passion and couldn't figure out why people chose to live there!

Now that I've been gone for seven years, my viewpoint has shifted.  I miss many things about Cleveland. I miss the Irish Festivals, the Westside Market, the Lake, the Jake and the Indians, and the great restaurants and ethnic foods.  Sadly, the Honey Hut is no longer at the beach -I hear the owners have changed - but my memories sure are great!  I can also get Malley's Chocolates in the mail!

I think there's probably something about each town I've lived in that I miss and have fond memories of - but  the point I'm at in my life helps me to focus more on make memories here in Charlotte.  The Queen City was such a gamble for us.  We moved here pretty much sight unseen - just because there were jobs here (and no snow!)

So time has blown by and we've been here for seven years.  I was sitting here thinking I don't hate it here - nor do I feel the urge to 'move on' and find a new place. Wow!  Maybe we're finally 'home?' Maybe it's because my parents and B's parents are here - so it makes it feel more permanent.  Who knows!  I do know I love many things about Charlotte and I have lots more to learn and explore.  After all, the Nascar Hall of Fame is here - haha!  I'll focus on making great memories, but also in making a great life here.  Who knows, maybe we'll stay?!

I think Maya Angelou says it best -  You can never go home again, but the truth is, you can never leave home, so it's alright.

Happy Father's Day Dads & Happy Sunday Ya'll!

Passionless in Charlotte

Hmm...It's time for Monday again.  It was a really crazy 'up and down' weekend; so mentally, I'm not sure I'm ready for Monday.  Not that I have a choice, so I'll suck it up and face it head on.  Right now, I have baked oatmeal cooling in the kitchen for breakfast  - most important meal of the day right?  My lunch is made, my coffee is ready to be made in the morning and I think all of the dangling participles of the weekend have been tied down.

So all that's left is to get my brain back in the game.  I think I told you my brain had off on Saturday - well today it was in and out.  Honestly I'm hoping that it shows up full time for Monday.  Could be ugly without it.  I just need to get my heart involved.  Isn't it the usually case that when you're heart is in the game, the head follows?

I think that's what has been troubling me lately.  My heart isn't in the game because of the buy-out.  I hate that.  At one time, I loved everything about my job - the craziness, the stress and the deadlines.  Now, they just annoy the crap out of me.  They are someone else's deadlines now - I think that's the real issue.

How do I make them mine again?  I feel like I need to have an intervention with my counterparts at the other company and get them into the game.  I need to get the passion back and get my heart into things.  I need to ignore the stress around me, no matter how palpable and just get it done.

I've been through many downsizings in my time.  I've done the layoff thing, job changes and wishful career dreaming - but selling my passion to another company that was taking over my job and getting rid of all of my hard work, is new to me.  

SO that my friends is the goal for Monday.  Bring back the passion and get my heart back into the game.  What a simple sentence - yet so important.  I'm open to any and all ideas of how to do this.  Seriously.    I'm in deep water on this - so if anyone has a pair of swimmies I can borrow let me know!  Happy Monday Ya'll!