Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Perhaps a Kick in the Butt?

So ok, if you've been following my blog, you know I'm pregnant.  Yay!  I was just wondering if you Moms out there could tell me when it's supposed to sink in that I actually AM having a baby.  I feel like crap, then I feel ok, then I feel tired, then I feel wired.  It feels like my body is on a roller coaster and my brain just hasn't caught up.

I haven't read a book about it, I haven't purchased anything (except for anti-nausea meds) and I really haven't talked about it since the first few days after we found out.  I feel like it was an event that happened and now it's over.

I'm ready to do this, don't get me wrong.  The idea is so thrilling; it's the reality that is so confounding. 

What am I supposed to do next?  I really want to enjoy this - after all I've been waiting for this for more years than I can count.  It's like getting the best Christmas present you can imagine, only to put it on the shelf and not play with it because you don't want to break it.

So I got this amazing gift, but I don't want to break it.  That's where I am right now.  I'm racking my brain trying to get out of this 'be careful' mode, but I'm not really sure how to do that.  I was never that kid who didn't play with a toy to take care of it.  I was the one ripping the box open and playing with my toys to my hearts content. 

I've never been this cautious in my life.  Tell me, when does this feeling go away?    When can I start enjoying these moments and planning for good things and not worrying about each twinge? 

I'm full of questions aren't I?  I'm afraid this is because all of this is so new to me.  I've never been nervous about something I knew I wanted. Never.  When B proposed, I said yes!  No doubt in my mind.  When we moved to Charlotte, no doubts, no nerves.  I interviewed for a transfer, took the job and started to pack.

So here we are, having a baby (maybe two) and I'm sitting here whining like a loser.  I can't really blame it on my hormones...this is me people.  I'm totally unsure and I DO NOT like this feeling at all.   If I were me, I would tell myself to smile and be happy and just throw caution to the wind and go shopping!  But the usual J just isn't there right now.  I think she's in shock. 

So, I sit here watching The Music Man, (yes, I'm trying to de-stress) and I'm looking at my swollen little foot, thinking I should go to bed...and I still have no resolution to this issue.  I guess I need to sleep on it...

Any advice you have would be appreciated....maybe a gentle kick in the butt would help....I guess if I knew the solution I wouldn't be in this situation. 

For now, I'll post this, get my clothes ready for another fun day at work (that's a whole other story) and try to get a good night's sleep.   Maybe I'll feel better in the morning....

Happy Wednesday Ya'll!


  1. Don't worry, perfectly normal. This happens throughout your pregnancy. The milestones will help, but will feel forever apart!!!

  2. RELAX- we all go through this- honestly!! I found that I wanted a baby for so long, then when I was pregnant, my thought was "now what??" The fact is, pregnancy is a LONG 40 weeks. All through it- it feels real, then unreal, then real again... get the picture? I know your struggle has made you extra sensitive. For me, the morning sickness etc. passes by about 16 weeks, then it'll just be fun!!