Today Was a Gift I'll Never Forget

Wow - what a day it was today.  I didn't hear about my job yet - I'm hoping for Wednesday for that - we'll see.  As some of you may have seen on my Facebook page, we heard the baby's heartbeat today!  It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.  B and I both cried - it was impossible not to!  My doctor said everything looks really great and we're thrilled.

I finally feel pregnant!  There are so many thoughts running through my head tonight....it's so amazing to know I have another living being growing inside of me.  To see the baby's heartbeat - already - is such a miracle. 

How great is God?  Really?  What an incredible thing to give a beating heart to a being that is the size of a kumquat.  Truly - I'm humbled and feel unbelievably blessed to have been able to experience this - what a gift this journey has been.

I said to my doctor today that I thought that the fertility path was tough and boy was I naive!  This process has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through - the ups and downs have been terrifyingly crazy.   Every day changes, but I guess this is God getting us ready for whatever comes next. 

We took the longest possible path to get there, but I have say, looking back now, that it was the path we were supposed to take.  I so appreciate where we are now so much more because of where we've been. 

On a lighter note, the doctor prescribed Zofran - Yay Dr. T!  We're hoping it will take the edge off the nausea in the mornings so I can stay on top of the nausea - we'll see what happens.  At a minimum, I know I'll sleep tonight; Zofran makes me so sleepy!  I would love to be able to take off my pink striped -yet so pretty - PSI bands - even for a night.    They really bother me after a while.  I'm still nervous to take them off just yet.

One more month and this misery will hopefully be behind us - unless Pedro has it out for Mommy! :o) If that's the case, then I'll suck it up and appreciate peanuts mixed with chocolate covered raisins and Corn Chex for lunch for the next 7 months!   On a high note, I did eat a BLT for dinner tonight - B makes really good ones.  It didn't bother me in the least - it felt good to eat and not think about it for a change. 

For a person who loves cooking and baking, food is such an annoyance right now.  I dread packing my lunch and getting breakfast ready for the morning.  This is when I dream of having a food service deliver my meals - ones that I can change my mind about up to the very last minute - what I want, when I want it. 

Sigh.  For now, I'll drink my Dr. Matt special for breakfast (protein shake) so at least I know Pedro will get one 'non-Mexican' meal a day - I'll keep looking for things to eat that don't contain corn or potatoes and I'll appreciate every single, silly moment.

We are blessed.

Happy Wednesday Ya'll!

The Cycle of Life

I had an amazing conversation with a dear friend this evening.  She's stronger than anyone I've ever met - truly.  While we were talking, the topic of who your 'real friends' are came up.  I've learned in my life that in different stages, you'll meet new people, strike up new friendships; friends that you thought would be a part of your life forever, will no longer keep in touch.

It's a hard thing to accept when you 'lose' a friend isn't it?  I had a dear friend - a guy - who was married a few years ago.  I was SO excited that he'd found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with! I couldn't wait to meet her.  You know what comes next.  She didn't understand how he could be friends with a female.  So while he gained a wife, I lost a friend.  Sad for me (and him I think), but when you find the person you're meant to be with - sometimes your life changes. 

I was one of those 'changes'.  At the time it happened, I was heartbroken and just wanted to meet his then fiancee to get her to understand I was not, nor had I ever been, a 'threat' to their relationship.  I'd never even met her.  They just had a baby last year and I was so thrilled for them - I still haven't met her or their baby.  I'm still sad, but it hurts less as time goes on.  The cycle of life right?

I think the time it hurts the worst to realize you've lost a friend is in times of need.  When you are really in a bad spot and those 'go to' folks that you think will be there for you, aren't there.  Again, part of life I know; it still doesn't make it hurt any less. 

When life throws you lemons, you're told to make lemonade.  How do you do that when your world becomes thrown off its axis and your support system becomes shaky?  I think God provides through other people at that point.  The people you least expect to 'be there' for you in times of need, step up to the plate in such an amazing way.  They are there for you - an amazing and unexpected gift.  You get support from people you haven't heard from or seen in years and you again have a renewed sense of the good in people.

You can make lemonade again, but maybe not as much as you'd planned.  As time goes on, you'll make new friends and those that you thought would be there might come back into your life again - they could just be your 'sunny day friends.'   I've mentioned sunny and rainy day friends before - as much as I would like only 'all the time' friends, I think sunny and rainy day friends are there for a reason. 

The friend I spoke with last night is going through some hard things right now and I so wish I lived closer so I could be there for her in person.  I can still be there for her over the phone and in spirit, but sometimes I'm sad I can't be there all the time.  I pray that she has friends and support when she needs it and that people are there for her without her asking.  For now, I'll appreciate the fact that she's still in my life and I know that I'll be there for her 'all the time' through thick and thin.

I've been blessed with friends who've been there for me on my rocky road - in fact I'm sometimes amazed that they are still around - "Debbie Downer" that I was for so long and all.  But that's what good friends do.  They listen and are there even when you're 'no fun' and then have fun and play with you when you're back in a good place. 

Life is crazy isn't it?  Everyone has their path and with that comes ups and downs.  Every once in a while, take a look around and check in with friends you haven't heard from in a while - they might need a friend.  I hope that you have good "all the time" friends who are there for you in good times and bad and I hope you're a good friend who'd do the same. 

Happy Saturday Ya'll!