Claim It Ya'll!

Let me start with a HUGE thank you for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers from my post yesterday!  We're thrilled and still nervous as we're really 'early' in the baby process.  It feels right though and I feel horrible most of the time - so I guess that's a good thing....

Ya'll remember that post I wrote about being 45, pregnant and unemployed?  Well, I've gotten the first two of those items down - now I'm really concerned about the third.  The sale of our company is coming any day now and boy the tension is thick.  

So I guess the struggle for me over the next few months will be how to walk the fine line between stress and calm and how to just 'Claim it.' 

The 'Claim It' concept is a new one to me.  As a "good Catholic girl," I was taught to pray but not to ask for things for myself - to pray for others.  So when I had a great conversation with a co-worker about our quest to have a family, she very simply said to me, "You'll get what you want.  You just have to claim it."   I completely scratched my head and said, "I'm sorry - I'm not sure what that means."  I truly had no clue what she was talking about.

Basically, she told me that if I owned what I wanted and claimed it as my own, that God would hear me and answer our prayers.  The concept was and is fascinating to me....later in the week, I was speaking with a friend (who is not Catholic) and mentioned it.  She very calmly said, "oh yes, you need to claim it," like it was something I should know how to do.

She helped me to understand things a bit more and off I went - to claim away. Interestingly enough - when doing some 'research' about this idea,  I found a Facebook page called:  "Step Out in Faith and Give Thanks, Claim it and it Will Be Yours."   I was really surprised and somewhat disappointed that I had been missing out on this concept. 

SO here I am.  I'm going to have a baby (yay!)- hopefully a happy and healthy one; my prayers were answered.  I claimed it - so now is it too much to ask for or should I say, claim a job too?  I wonder what the limits are on this method of prayer....is it like Aladdin?  Do I get three and then I'm done?  I'm not trying to be irreverent here, I just don't think I really understand the whole concept yet. 

For now, I'll keep praying for a healthy baby and that I have a job - I'll claim it as I know how and hope and pray that I'm doing it right!  If any of you can give me feedback or help me to understand this a bit more - I'd love to hear from you.

I've prayed a lot in my time and have had many wonderful people pray for me, I guess I just can't get past the Catholic guilt thing - I always figure God knows what's in my heart.  I guess I need to say it out loud to make it real - to prove I really want it.

Oy - the hormones are obviously making my mind race.  I think I'll get off and go to bed.  I hope you 'claim' what your heart desires and that God answers your prayers!

I'll leave you with one of my all time favorite (and guaranteed to make me cry songs)- I think it really helps to explain the path we've taken and why my brain has issues asking for good things...and it's a beautiful song too!

Blessings -  Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Happy Wednesday Ya'll!



Me & My Homies

So I've mentioned I work in IT; specifically compliance.  Quite a dry topic, but I've tried to make things more interesting where I can.  Have I introduced my 'team' to you yet?  I don't think I have....it's a very exclusive team and only a few dynamic and diverse members made the cut. 

First up is the Chick-fil-A Cow - "Chicky" is an important member of our compliance team.  She is a natural born leader and really runs herd over the rest of the team.  She also takes a fantastic memo, but unfortunately has issues with spell check.  (Weer working on that.) She's a great team player and loves to dance at sporting events in her spare time.  (Chicky is currently out on long-term leave - she should be back sometime around the holidays.)

Next, up are Little Miss Sunshine and Little Miss Chatterbox.  (Because of their current contract negotiations with the Cartoon Network, I'm unable to post their head shots.)  These two are quite the team contributors.  They are really quite colorful and although they aren't very handy on the computer, they are great proof readers and enjoy playing with bright yellow and pink highlighters.  Chatty will be at a book signing this weekend at the Huntersville Barnes & Noble - please stop by for a signed copy of her autobiography.  (Please tell her I sent you and you'll get an extra 10% off!) 

Last, but certainly not least is Ms. Rubber Ducky.  "RD" as she likes to be called, is my right hand duck.  She handles my calls, manages my schedule and is responsible for office supplies.  I couldn't do it without her.  She's such a calming influence on me - especially during the acquisition activities.  She does have a slight French accent, so please listen carefully when she speaks - I believe she's French Canadian on her Mother's side.

Needless to say, I have a cracker jack team.  What would I do without my homies?   Happy Friday Ya'll!  :o)  I'm having a Tigger day today - can you tell?

Tigger, Eeyore & the Damn Glass

For some reason, I was dreading today.  I didn't sleep well last night, but did have a great workout this morning. So, I put on my war face and headed towards work ready to attack the day.  Some days I have to make a VERY conscious effort to be in a happy mood....I know you've been there too.  

Ever heard of the Tigger and Eeyore syndrome?  Eeyore is chronically pessimistic, always gloomy and depressing and has a low self-esteem along with an even lower expectation of life in general.  

On the other hand, Tigger has a bubbly and "bouncing" personality. When life gets him down, he strives to find the silver lining. And when he does, he "bounces for joy" while counting his blessings.

Honestly, I think we have all have natural inclinations as part of our core personality.  Therefore, I think you can be a bit of both Tigger and Eeyore.  The whole 'glass half full or empty' thing also flummoxes me - it changes for me all the time.  There are also some days where I just see the damn glass and have no earthly idea whether it's full or empty, nor could I care!  Today was an 'Eeyore, can't even see the damn glass' kind of day, so I'm really trying to add a bit of Tigger to it. So far Eeyore is winning out...but I'm still trying.

Obviously, things are really stressful here at work, what with all of the WAITING and all.  So here I am, trying to Live in the Moment, and be cheerful dammit.  One of my favorite quotes is as follows:

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”   -  Mahatma Gandhi



I actually have this quote printed out and on the wall behind my computer monitor.  I try to live this daily...sometimes it's only weekly, but I do think about it regularly.  ( Does anyone else think it's funny that I've mentioned Tigger, Eeyore and Gandhi in the same post? :o) )  Sometimes it helps, some days it doesn't.

In order to keep my thoughts positive, I've tried to appreciate a few small things that have happened to me today -



 I had to run to the dr at lunch today

and get back in time for a meeting at 11:45AM.

 - I made it!



I got my Five Year Anniversary

certificate for my job today...  (Ironic isn't it?)

AND, last but not least, I was able to eat at an IT Lunch and Learn for the first time in a long time due to my super friend who ordered me a Gluten Free pizza from Domino's!  I got busted on for having my own personal pizza, but it sure was nice to eat with the team for a change -  thanks Jennifer!  (And no, I wasn't thanking myself, she's a Jennifer too.)

I guess the overall message o' the day is this, being 'up' isn't always easy, but it matters.  Everyone around you is affected by your mood.  So even though we're allowed to have our bad days, try not to spread it around and take it out on your bike/workout instead!  If you're feeling a bit 'Eeyore-ish', try convert it to a toned down Tigger and eventually you will get through it.  Stop worrying about the glass being half full etc...and if you can't?  You can always pitch the damn glass and go buy a new one!  Happy Thursday ya'll!





45, Pregnant & Unemployed ♪♪♫♫

Waiting is defined by the Free Dictionary as " 1. The act of remaining inactive or stationary."  I don't know about ya'll but I absolutely hate to wait.   I was the kid who unwrapped the Christmas gifts her parents had hidden and then 'wrapped' them back up again because I HAD to know what I was getting and couldn't wait.  Ask B, I'm the worst at waiting to find out the answer to something that will impact my life; in fact, I even hate leaving messages for people because when I call, I want to talk to them at that moment, not later! 

I sat at my desk last week on a day when no one else was in the office and got a phone call with some great news!  Awesome!  I couldn't wait to share it!  Well, B was at work and couldn't take my call, my Mom was out of town and wasn't answering her phone and no on was on IM, so I had to sit still and wait to tell someone my news!  It about killed me.  No exaggeration either.  I was beside myself.

I am a doer.  That's who I am and what makes me tick.  Unfortunately, for the past 5 years, I've been forced into the role of a 'wait-er.'  Hate it.  I had health issues that after a while I knew they could fix, but I had to wait to go through their protocol to ensure I met the guidelines for the experimental treatment.  After they fixed me (see, I was right!), we dove right into trying to have a family.  Sure thing.  No waiting there.  (heavy sarcasm)

For the last 4+ years, we've been going down the unmarked path of infertility.  Nothing wrong with me at all; I'm just old.  If you've had infertility treatments, you know the whole thing is based on waiting.  And then waiting some more.  Testing, checking, verifying, mock cycling and so on....more waiting.   So yes, we're still waiting on babies.  I figure this is all part of God's plan to teach me patience and I'm just a slow learner.  Adding insult to injury, I also don't know if I'll have a job soon.  Very soon.  More waiting (and praying.)  Pretty soon I could be a really big cliche, 45, pregnant and unemployed.  What a great title for a new country song!!!   ♪♫♪♫♪♫

I think we're in very good company though.  Most friends and associates that I've spoken with in the past few months seem to be in a holding pattern in some shape or size.  Of course my co-workers are in the 'wait and see' mode like me about work - I have friends that are pregnant and are waiting for their babies to arrive, friends who are job hunting, friends who are house hunting, friends who are dealing with health issues,  friends who are soul searching, and the list goes on.

I've come to the conclusion that our generation - the 40 somethings - was told by our parents to get a job and have a career, get married and have a family and basically just be loyal citizens who contribute to the gross national product.  If we didn't fit that mold or did things differently, that was ok, but the end result should still be the same.  SO, a lot of us took jobs just to have one - not because it was our calling.  We dated, some got married and had kids, and some are still looking for the 'right' person.    We made decisions based on what was expected of us and not what we wanted. 

Now, we're doing what we want.  We're switching careers, getting new homes, downsizing, up sizing and trying to have kids later in life.  We want to eat our cake.....and we don't want to wait!  We want to catch up with our peers that had a different life plan - forgetting that they didn't get there overnight either.

So, I guess I'll just have to sit tight, pray a lot, be myself, follow my heart and be patient.  I will keep waiting though, because as the saying goes, good things come to those who wait.  That doesn't mean I'll stop doing either - I'll do what I have to do to move things along (being my real self) and maybe then I'll have peace, regardless of the outcome.

What to do, What to do?!

Today is my first day of vacation!  Yipee!  Nothing better than waking up when I'm ready.  There's something said for that isn't there?  Next up, working out, taking a nice long bath with a good book and just having free, lazy time!   I'm taking a day off here and there to use up some vacation time.   What better time to use it then now - did I mention the company where I work is being bought out/acquired by a large conglomerate?  No stress there.  B is in graduate school full-time so I'm the only full-time paycheck for the family.  SO, obviously having a good job is really important to me right now.  The question of "What to Do?" is around my net steps career-wise. 

I really love the company I work for; my co-workers keep me coming back for more.  I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary too.  Sadly, that's all changing in the very near future.  I don't know if I will have a job, let alone a job I want.  Do I really want to work for the 'new' company at all?  A co-worker made a very smart comment a few months back, "We should stop worrying about whether or not we have jobs.  Instead we should worry about whether or not we want to work for the company."

I don't think I do.  To quote Diane Keaton in Baby Boom, "I think the rat race could use one less rat."  Maybe I choose a job just for the sake of the job, not where it could take me.  Maybe I try telecommuting instead of rush hour traffic day in and day out.   Maybe I focus more on our personal lives instead of my stress at work. 

These are the questions 'o the day - I think I'll go make some granola.  I always think better when I bake....