Misery Thy Name is Jennifer

Well, I haven’t dropped off the planet, nor am I on vacation in Tahiti – I was simply laid up all weekend with a wicked case of nausea – aka Pedro-itis.  It was evil my people, I cannot lie.  In fact, I really wasn’t able to eat a real meal until Sunday night. 

Fast forward to a lovely dinner with friends last night at the Melting Pot – love me some fondue!  Since cheese has been one of my recent favorite food groups, I thought it would be a great option.  It was wonderful!  I ate and ate and ate. 

Then I got home and hated my life and was sick as a flipping dog.  Lesson learned.  I won’t eat rich foods, I won’t over-indulge and I won’t go back to the Melting Pot until Pedro is here – I’m not convinced that I didn’t get some gluten in one of the dishes – that could have been the culprit.  Either way, food definitely holds little to no appeal right now.

So, needless to say, it was a pretty big waste of a weekend, but at least it happened over the weekend and not during the work week.  Things are calm for now – I’m hoping I’m back on top of the nausea and that Pedro will be more cooperative this week!

We’re all still waiting to find out about jobs here at work and I have our first “official” ultrasound tomorrow, so tomorrow will be a big day in the McG household.  I feel so greedy praying for two big positives, but I am.  I really need a job and I really want to see Pedro’s heartbeat!!!!  I'm claiming it Ya'll!

God knows what is coming, so I’m just keeping the faith and hoping He has good things in store for us.  It’s certainly been an interesting ride so far!  I promise my next blog will be more fun and interesting, but right now my creative has left the building.

I hope you’re all enjoying the Olympics as much as I am!

Happy Monday Ya’ll!

And the Beat Goes On

Ok, so let's recap the last few of my posts - we went through fertility treatments, we waited and waited and waited, we found out we were pregnant (yay!), and I claimed it.  Obviously I'm a very silly girl because all I focused on was the actual 'getting pregnant' part of the whole picture.  So now that I'm pregnant, I'm back in the vicious loop of waiting, claiming, waiting and claiming. 

Today was a rough day for me. I'm totally ramped up about work - things are happening that one day I'll share; but right now it's a bit stressful to think about.  I'm not really happy at work right now but I need to have a job without B working.  SO I need to suck it up and put it away until I have no choice but to deal with it.  That might be two weeks from now actually.  At least I hope it is.

I woke up this morning and realized I didn't feel pregnant.  OH MY GOD.  I was ready to run screaming through the house - instead I asked for a hug.  It helped.  I thought I had that under control, but obviously I didn't. 

But I still had to go to work - after a quick visit to Dr. Matt - who still cracks me up by the way - so I went to work, practicing my yoga breathing - go Team McGowan! - it helped somewhat, but then the work stuff started and boy was I a wreck.  I got so upset today that I couldn't stay calm, my heart was just racing and then I noticed that I was feeling  really 'different.' Scary different.

I just wanted to turn tail and go home and crawl in bed and pray that everything would be ok.   I stuck it out though, talked with my boss and settled a few things and after a few hours of being calm, began to feel pregnant again.  I know I sound crazy ya'll - but I'm really scared right now.  I know I'm supposed to be  - but boy, after miscarrying 3 years ago, I'm second guessing every little twinge - praying that things are still copacetic.

So for now, I'm going to continue breathing deeply and hope that tomorrow's blood work is great - work can just continue to stay in the background for a while I think.  Baby McGowan's still so much more important - I'll just keep focusing on positive thoughts....

Fingers are crossed until tomorrow.....for now we're enjoying some cuddle time with our Bubbies, I'm curled up with my favorite afghan and Sabrina's on television - ok it's the remake of Sabrina, but any sappy chick flick in a pinch right?  And the beat goes on....(Sonny and Cher's version mind you.)  One day down many more to go!

Happy Thursday Ya'll!

Claim It Ya'll!

Let me start with a HUGE thank you for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers from my post yesterday!  We're thrilled and still nervous as we're really 'early' in the baby process.  It feels right though and I feel horrible most of the time - so I guess that's a good thing....

Ya'll remember that post I wrote about being 45, pregnant and unemployed?  Well, I've gotten the first two of those items down - now I'm really concerned about the third.  The sale of our company is coming any day now and boy the tension is thick.  

So I guess the struggle for me over the next few months will be how to walk the fine line between stress and calm and how to just 'Claim it.' 

The 'Claim It' concept is a new one to me.  As a "good Catholic girl," I was taught to pray but not to ask for things for myself - to pray for others.  So when I had a great conversation with a co-worker about our quest to have a family, she very simply said to me, "You'll get what you want.  You just have to claim it."   I completely scratched my head and said, "I'm sorry - I'm not sure what that means."  I truly had no clue what she was talking about.

Basically, she told me that if I owned what I wanted and claimed it as my own, that God would hear me and answer our prayers.  The concept was and is fascinating to me....later in the week, I was speaking with a friend (who is not Catholic) and mentioned it.  She very calmly said, "oh yes, you need to claim it," like it was something I should know how to do.

She helped me to understand things a bit more and off I went - to claim away. Interestingly enough - when doing some 'research' about this idea,  I found a Facebook page called:  "Step Out in Faith and Give Thanks, Claim it and it Will Be Yours."   I was really surprised and somewhat disappointed that I had been missing out on this concept. 

SO here I am.  I'm going to have a baby (yay!)- hopefully a happy and healthy one; my prayers were answered.  I claimed it - so now is it too much to ask for or should I say, claim a job too?  I wonder what the limits are on this method of prayer....is it like Aladdin?  Do I get three and then I'm done?  I'm not trying to be irreverent here, I just don't think I really understand the whole concept yet. 

For now, I'll keep praying for a healthy baby and that I have a job - I'll claim it as I know how and hope and pray that I'm doing it right!  If any of you can give me feedback or help me to understand this a bit more - I'd love to hear from you.

I've prayed a lot in my time and have had many wonderful people pray for me, I guess I just can't get past the Catholic guilt thing - I always figure God knows what's in my heart.  I guess I need to say it out loud to make it real - to prove I really want it.

Oy - the hormones are obviously making my mind race.  I think I'll get off and go to bed.  I hope you 'claim' what your heart desires and that God answers your prayers!

I'll leave you with one of my all time favorite (and guaranteed to make me cry songs)- I think it really helps to explain the path we've taken and why my brain has issues asking for good things...and it's a beautiful song too!

Blessings -  Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Happy Wednesday Ya'll!